Ugh, okay, so I have officially hit my last strand of patience and sanity today. I didn't start today with much in the first place. I've got so much on my mind, so much to think about and so much to do. The reason I game is to get away from it all, it's a great escape.
I got Black Ops as soon as it came out, and I have been playing the hell out of it honestly, because it's fun and it keeps my mind off of things. Best thing, is the ratio of men to women is impossibly delightful, seeing as there is only perhaps one woman to every one or two hundred men.
So today I am playing in a partied group of people, some of which I don't know because they are friends of people who invited me. I notice there is one girl there, and she talks quite a bit, but eh, doesn't bother me that much. I don't really talk much on mic unless I'm gaming with Trevor simply because we play tactically or try to help each other out.
In a game of Domination in Ground War- which might I add I've only played Domination once before, and not even a full match (and I don't like it, you need a good tactical team of close buddies to win that game well)- she and Dovich were talking, and she was questioning his username. He told her where it came from, and how to pronounce it, and she finally decided to just call him by his first name, when he offered it out. I laughed quietly, and said "Maybe I'll start calling you ____ too, seeing as Dovich is way too complicated." It was a joke, a bit of a sarcastic, but light-hearted tone. But low and behold, I forgot that I was talking to Mother Nature's bitch species.
She started literally ranting off, calling me a bitch, saying she didn't need my damn opinion and all this shit. I just sat quiet, I didn't quit the match, I just put up with her bullshit until the end, then backed out of the game completely. It pissed me off so bad too. Do you know, I hate to bite my tongue so hard, but I know- being one- that nine times out of ten if you start a verbal argument with a woman like that, you'll only get more and more pissed off. So either way, I would've gotten to this point, I decided it best to take this route.
She just really pissed me off. I hate women sometimes, most of the time actually. A lot of women are just bitchy, complaining, and don't ever take a joke lightly like it should be taken. That's why I prefer men in my company. Men are less likely to be superficial, don't bitch as much, and tend to take jokes much better than women.
Ugh, there was so much I wanted to say. Stupid bitch should've just taken the damn joke that way it was supposed to be, the guys laughed, but when they laughed after she rolled off the smartass insults to me, they laughed again and went "Ooooooo". It felt like high school all over again. And it reminded me of one instance in very particular, a flashback I haven't had in a long time...
In middle school, I had one class where I was the apart of the only three white people, in a class of about twenty or twenty-two. The white boy was popular, the white girl acted black, and I was the outcast. Of course, I was going to get picked on. There was one girl, named Erika, who found total amusement in putting me down. She'd get literally in my face, the entire class surrounding me, and insult me. They all just laughed. "Hey you fat cracker, you deaf? You like it when I call you fat? Hm? Ha, guys, she's not responding. I think she's fantasizing about me, stupid lesbian cunt." Every day, for five months. Finally I had come to confront her, because I never had the nerve to stand up to her when the entire class was on her side and I was absolutely alone, only able to just sit back and deal with the torment I dealt with and the dread that made me skip class and try to do anything to stay away from her and that class.
One day I had come up to her classroom, and did what I could to negotiate without being as low as she was. I told her that I was sick and tired of her crap, that she needed to start treating me with some respect, that she wasn't going to accomplish anything worthwhile with her life if she wasted it putting others beneath her. She acted sympathetic, hugged me, apologized. She was a great actress. As I turned and walked away, I overheard her step into her second block classroom.
"What was that about?"
Erika: "Dumb lesbian chunk wanted me to date her, I was like 'hell naw', even if I was a lesbian, I'd never touch her fat ass with a ten foot pole".
Back to that woman. Stupid bitch, she reminded just of Erika. I don't feel like gaming anymore, and without Jeremy home, I am just going to curl up in bed and forget I exist for a little bit. Plus I'm staying away from the IRC room after last night's cry-fest all initiated by my trials to rekindle friendship with Ben and the awkward comment made by Jen. Ugh. I only got three hours of sleep last night, and three more during the afternoon today.
God what a wretched day. I want so much to have real friends again...
